Kratom: a day without

I started out today by not taking any Kratom to see how I do without it. I feel that it’s important to manage my intake to prevent any potential ill effects upon me. I don’t want to become dependent upon it to function. I also want to self-observe in order to document any behavior differences from the past two days.

The Report

For most of today, I hadn’t had lots of stress. I shoveled the driveway, showered, shaved, and fixed the stove without issues. I do have a bit of diarrhea, which may be from the Kratom, but I’m unsure.

As I moved throughout the day, I feel more “normal” but some of my indecisiveness and anxiety is back. My hesitation at performing tasks is also back. The negatives came to a head when I couldn’t take the dog’s senseless high-pitched whining any longer. I had to plead with her to stop because I just couldn’t take it anymore. When she came close to me because she wanted attention, my sensitivity to touch put me into sensory overload. I desperately needed some space for just a minute.

So after things calmed down, I sat on the couch under my red blanket with the dog sleeping beside me. At the same time, my breathing was being accomplished by means of heavy exhales in between holding my breath. The action was almost involuntary as I struggled to calm down from what just transpired. At the moment I started writing this, my left leg cramped up so badly, that it must have been remotely controlled by the local torture chamber. I was eventually able to calm down.

Analysis

Overall, I think the Kratom has been helping me with anxiety, although it has only been two days. I also noticed yesterday that the dog’s whinging still bothered me, but it didn’t send me into a meltdown as it usually does. However, this will have to be confirmed over time. Any bowel problems will have to be weighed against the benefits.

Next Steps

I will resume a ¼ teaspoon dose tomorrow to see if there are differences from today. I hope to get this figured out so I can start concentrating on other things like everybody else. Thanks for reading.

Kratom update and van news

Kratom Update

Since I posted yesterday, I followed through with cutting the Kratom dosage by half; from ½ to ¼ teaspoon. I also repeated the OJ chaser method of ingestion taken before breakfast. If you want to know more about what happened yesterday, click the link.

I’m here to report that I’m still impressed with the results. Thus far, it still lifts my mood, allows me to focus on tasks better, and minimizes the second-guessing, indecisive labyrinth of inefficient loops within corn mazes that has swept the remains of my brain for so long. The reduced dosage is better because the mildly negative side effects are gone. I don’t experience any nausea and I don’t have a headache like I did yesterday. Yay for me! If the trend continues, then perhaps I can get a decent job again. Perhaps I’m being too optimistic? Perhaps not.

Now that I know it works better than any anti-depressants have ever worked in my entire life, I’m going to have to learn how to manage it. From what I have read, the stuff can be addictive. Additionally, I understand that one can develop a tolerance for it, which would require an increasing amount to get the same effect over time.Therefore, I’m going to have to think about how often I should take it so this does not happen. Thus, I’ll have to do more research. I’ll keep you up to date as to my progress.

Van News

Hey! Remember when this blog was created to document my potential foray into van life? Well, here’s some of that content now.

I was finally able to get my van’s transmission looked at. The anxiety about this decision was killing me, as seemingly every decision has been doing, but I was able to do something. I honestly think that the Kratom had something to do with it.

When I arrived at the garage, the mechanic was busy and, through his secretary, asked me to come back in 20 minutes. I obliged and headed to the local Chick-fil-A. While at the counter, I blurted out that I would have a #2. Given the pervasiveness of double meanings in these modern times, I said that didn’t sound very good. The “joke” flew over their heads, but it wasn’t that funny anyway. My spicy chicken combo was just as good as if I hadn’t made the joke.

After around 20 minutes, I headed back to the place, which is nestled in a neighborhood, believe it or not. The mechanic is a stocky, older gentleman who test drove it right away with myself in the passenger seat. During the drive, he mentioned that used vans are becoming harder to come by; that more people are wanting them. Based on some of the prices I’ve seen for 20-year-old vans, I think he’s right. I originally thought that I may have paid too much, but perhaps not.

When I arrived, he diagnosed the problem after driving it, which is what I figured. It needs an overhaul. The price seemed reasonable, includes a 12-month warranty, and would probably be ready by Tuesday.

Afterward, he drove me back to my house where he recounted some of his travels, and told me about a good BBQ place nearby. It’s only open on Fridays, and then only open as long as the food is available. Once the food’s gone, they close up. I’ll be checking this place out once they open back up after the New Year. I’ll also report back to you on my findings.

So, that’s it for the updates. I’ll follow up soon with more news, either van-related, or otherwise. Thanks for reading.

Kratom: First Impressions

As I have previously mentioned in this blog, I have problems with anxiety and depression for which I’ve been trying to find a cure and/or relief for most of my entire adult life. Presently, it has paralyzed my ability to make any major decisions out of sheer fear. Even small decisions, such as figuring out the most efficient way to do some tasks leaves me unable to move forward. I have also been plagued with sensitivities to sudden noises and interruptions to my concentration. These are some of the problems that I’m experiencing.

In the most recent past, I have tried many different things of which I may write about in a future post, but for today, I want to specifically write about my first time taking Kratom.

For the uninitiated, Kratom is a plant of Indonesian origin which also goes by the name mitragyna speciosa. There are different kinds of strains for different uses. Some have sedative effects. Others provide a boost of energy or help with mental clarity. It is even used to assist in opiate withdrawal by some. Others use it for PTSD. It typically comes in capsules or powder form which is either brewed into a tea or chased with orange juice or hot chocolate (because it doesn’t taste so great).

Based on my research, I chose to go with a Super Green Indo strain. I needed this for an energy boost, but also to alleviate my anxiety.

I started out today, before breakfast, with a level ½ teaspoon of the powder. This powder is really dense and compact. I originally was going to mix it with the juice, but when I dumped it in, it stayed clumped together in the shape of the spoon, so I didn’t bother to mix it. Instead, I just chugged it as-is; swallowing it as if it was a giant pill.

I started noticing the effects after about an hour after ingesting it. My mood lifted, I wasn’t as anxious, and I didn’t feel like I was on anything. As the day went on, it seems like the effects intensified a little bit. I was able to focus on tasks for a sustained amount of time. I have to say that I’m really impressed thus far. The only side effects were a very slight nausea in the beginning that went away, and a slight headache concentrated in my eyes, but very minor in intensity.

I think that I’m going to half the amount to ¼ teaspoon tomorrow to gauge the difference from today’s experience. I’ll report here, in a new post, on my findings.

Disclaimer

In case you’re interested, do your research before making the plunge. I am only writing about my experience. It’s not something you should necessarily do. Everyone is different, and thus, may have different needs or solutions than me. Please be careful.

False starts

So, it’s ten days before Christmas, but it doesn’t feel like it. Since my last update, I haven’t completed much. I’m still unemployed. I still haven’t resolved many of the issues with the van even though I have some money to do so. The reasons would seem silly to the normal person, but I’ve been gripped with an immense amount of paralyzing anxiety where I haven’t been able to make a decision regarding it or many other things. Given my track record of failure these past few years, I’m just terrified of continuing this awful trend.

Case in point, I finally made the decision to replace the shift selenoids and filter in the transmission. However, when driving it a couple of days ago, I notice that it is really slipping. I have to apply a little gas before it will start to catch. It does accelerate well, but only in first gear. Under heavy acceleration, it will really slip a lot. Even if I replace the selenoids, it won’t solve the slippage problem, which has become more obvious to me. I bought the parts, but I’m not going to be able to install them.

I did manage to replace the rotor, distributor cap, spark plugs, and wires from an Accel kit that I ordered online. This was easy enough. I am a little concerned about the condition of the plugs. Every one of them was dirty; having some sort of oil on them. It seems rather weird that every one of them had this issue. If it was burning oil, wouldn’t it only be some cylinders and not all of them?

In any case, the job itself was the second easiest turn-up I performed next to the 3.0 straight-6 in the BMW 330xi. The part that helped make it really easy was the engine’s accessibility through the inside of the vehicle. It provided me with a comfortable place to kneal as well as a shield from the cold and wind. It really beats breaking my back while leaning over a fender to get the engine compartment while being fully exposed to the elements.

I was also able to replace the MAP sensor, PCV valve as well as a free-flowing air filter. I also plan to replace some more of the sensors such as a temperature sensor, oxygen sensors. I know that I’m not really experiencing any particular problems that would require these things to be replaced, but I want to ensure that it’s running as well and as efficiently as it can.

I am going to call a transmission place on Monday to see how they’ll access the problem. I’m not going to attempt to rebuild the transmission myself. It’s much more than I can handle myself.

Future van plans

Much of the other plans for it depend on how much the transmission is going to cost to fix it. Here are the items needed, at a minimum, to have it be roadworthy. This does not include the items needed to have it camper-ready.

Primary items

• Transmission
• Exhaust
• Tires (including the spare)
• Front suspension which may include coil springs and shocks.
• Rear shocks
• Left headlight cuts in and out. I may replace them with LED lights if possible.

Secondary items

• Fuel gauge stuck at half-way mark. The problem lies either the gauge or the float.
• Wiper/cruise control stalk is falling apart.
• Backup camera since it doesn’t have a rear-view mirror.
• A/C
• Proper radio mounting

I’m sure that there are more items I could add to this list, but this is what I have at the moment. I will probably make this list on a separate page apart from the regular blog entries. In the interim, this is the current list.