After a multiple month hiatus, I finally got the van registered and insured. The process was pretty painless and certainly less painful than I remember. It essentially involved getting car insurance, getting a temp tag, transporting the van over to the DMV for a Sheriff’s inspection, and then finally getting a permanent tag. It took less than 90 minutes including going back home and picking up the van.
The mechanical health of it, on the other hand, is less than stellar. It started just fine, went into gear without a hesitation like it had done in the past; before I put a bunch of transmission fluid in it.
The big problem is that it wouldn’t shift into a higher gear; it remained at a high rev. Additionally, the front springs seem to be shot, and I sometimes hear a shortly lived grinding noise when I start from a stopped position. I’m wondering if there’s a differential problem too.
In other news, I resigned from my job yesterday. I felt forced to do so amidst pressure and badgering from a high-pitched, chalkboard-like drawling from a narcissistic witch. I’ll admit that this job was not the right fit for me, but I gave it a shot. Ultimately, I have entirely too much anxiety to ultimately do well at all aspects of it. It was only compounded by the seemingly constant berating by her. After a private discussion with my supervisor, I knew where things were going to eventually lead anyway given her influence.
So, after work that day, I decided to get a burger and a few beers from down the street; 20 blocks down the street. It still seems weird to me that I can just go down the street, even if it is 20 blocks, and get a burger and beers. At any rate, they were very good. I started with a milk stout, which lived up to its name. It had this weird milk-type texture but it was still a stout. Next, I had a Sierra Nevada citrus-type beer (IPA?) that was much better along with my burger. Surprisingly, my wife came and drove me home. I was able to retrieve the pickup after I sobered up.
So, I wound up not going into work and then resigning that afternoon. I just couldn’t deal with the work environment any longer. I don’t think it was ever going to get any better. After a day of being in bed, I got around to doing the aforementioned things today.
I was also able to visit the library today to borrow (rent for free) two movies and a book. We’ll see how those go.
What troubles me now is that after calling my wife and telling her about what happened, there was little empathetic response from her. After responding to her question of, “How do you feel about that?”, she asks me if she can borrow money for her car payment. No consolation or concern for me. It’s about what I could do for her. It just makes me fell lessened in value. Never mind that I just became unemployed and may be feeling down from it (I am). It hurts, but it’s the same things all over again. Themes like downplaying my birthday as if it’s nothing while expecting opposite treatment, and secretly bashing me to her friends, which she is probably doing right now. Not being able to talk with her about a major life decision because she’s bitching about her Amazon Tap not working with her WiFi.
I’m just feeling shitty now. It makes me reconsider reconciliation being possible because she seems so heartless. I’m at a loss of what to do about it. Perhaps this is what I bought the van for.
Update
After trying to understand how I feel, I turned upon this article about emotional abandonment. Is it too much to ask to have some emotional support during the downturns of life? Is it too much to expect some reciprocity when you provide this kind of support to your significant other? I feel so alone right now, like I’m only worthy of love when I succeed and I’m on my own when I don’t. I don’t treat others this way, so why am I treated this way? I’m sorry to whine about it, but this is my only outlet to express these things.
Realivanation 